Two Roads

woods-2-paths

 

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

by Robert Frost

 

When I was younger I wanted to take the road less traveled.  I always strived to be just a little different from everyone else I knew.

I never dated.

I never went out partying.

I had almost no close friends.

Spent more time reading than I can remember.

I loved to travel.

I loved to dress “alternatively”.

I was interested in “unusual” topics like Buddhism, Paganism, obscure heavy metal bands, tattoos and piercings, skateboarding, Hello Kitty and anime.

Always said that I would end up an old spinster with a hundred cats.

I was loud and abrasive to cover the fact that I was so shy.

I wanted to experience adventures none of my family and friends had ever experienced.

But I loved all those things about myself and I was HAPPY!

I was well on my way to taking the road less traveled as I saw it. I was so passionate about travelling that I wanted to see the whole world and know every part of it intimately. I was going to be a serial monogamist and have several great love affairs but never be tied down.  I felt alone but I wasn’t lonely.  I was always looking for the next great book to read and was hungry for information on everything and anything.  I was enthused by everything around me: the sun shining down on me, seeing a cat on my way to work and stopping to have a chat, driving just for the sheer fun it with no destination in mind, going to the beach just to listen to the waves.

But these are all “I was” statements.. I lost that passion when I became a girlfriend.  Then a wife.  Then a mother.  I lost who I used to be because I felt I needed to be someone different as a wife and mother. And that’s no ones fault but my own.  I love my husband and I love my kids and I wouldn’t trade them for a hundred round the world adventures.

But I need to find that road again. I need to find that passion again.  I need to find that girl who used to be happy and content with little.

I need to be that girl again for my husband and my kids because they deserve to see me at my best.  And so do I.

I am going to find her again.

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